For those of you who don’t know, my wife, Amanda, and I have been married for one year today, having gotten married last year on October twelfth.  In the last year I have learned a lot about my wife and about my self, but most importantly, I have learned a lot about God. I have had several things that I have learned, and would love to share some of them with you here.

Acknowledgment vs Dependence 

In church a couple of weeks ago, our pastor mentioned something that resonated with my marriage.  He was making the distinction between acknowledging God and his gift, and depending on them.  It is one thing to acknowledge the fact that God’s grace and mercy cover all, and quite another to depend on the true, relying on that Grace and mercy to make it into the next day.

This image has been furthered by my relationship with Amanda.  On our wedding day, we promised a whole host of wonderful things.  We promised things like: getting the bugs in the middle of the night, pushing each other to grow, and promising to love one another, unconditionally, forever.  On that day, we made these promises, we acknowledged that we would do these things together, and then we stepped into our marriage.  In the coming year, we had to transition from an acknowledgment to dependence: we are acting these promises out and relying on one another to do the same.  When I make mistakes, make a mess, forget to do something, do something wrong, I don’t need to worry because I know that Amanda will be there, she will love me no matter what.  I depend on that love when I make mistakes because without it I would constantly be fearful of doing wrong.

I picture that same type of love that God gives.  Even though I mess up on a daily bases, and I am not perfect, Gods love prevails.  I can depend on that love, clinging to it each day.

I Am Not the Only Imperfect Human

This may sound silly, but sometimes, I feel as though I am the eternal mess up and that the people around me seem a thousand times better than  I am.  For example, one friend always seems to have the right answers to big questions, another seems to unfailingly read His Bible and Pray, constantly looking toward God, another friend never seems to argue with anyone, another has a heart for the meek and lowly, and goes out of her way to help them.  They all seem like great people, and great Christians.  Sure, they aren’t perfect, but they seem a whole lot better than I am at just about everything.

I used to have the same impression of my wife.  Sure, she wasn’t perfect, but she had so much good!  It used to seem like she always liked getting close to God, that she would do anything to help those in need, that she was always ready with a good answer to big questions.

Don’t get me wrong, I still thing that I have an amazing wife, but living alongside her for a year has opened my eyes to the fact that I am not any more messed up then everyone else.  We all wear faces, and show people the best side of ourselves, and when all we see are peoples good sides we think that we must be the only one that has a bad side.  I have learned that Amanda struggles to devote time to God, just as I do, that she does not know the answers to most big questions, just as I do, and that neither of us are perfect, and nor is anyone else.  God is perfect, and we are messed up human beings, but we are not alone in our mess, we have the mess of all those alongside us and Gods holy presence always alongside us!

Saying I’m Sorry

Something that I heard a while ago was not to say I’m sorry, but instead to say thank you. The idea here is that when you say I’m sorry, the other person has to say that it’s okay or that it wasn’t that big of a deal, or something to that affect. If instead of saying “I’m sorry for messing up” we say “thank you for being patient with me” then we can recognize that we have done wrong, and praise them for their help and patients to overcome it.

I try to keep that mindset with Amanda, though I’m not as successful as I’d like, and having a similar mindset with God can be helpful. Don’t get me wrong, God loves to hear us say I’m sorry in true repentance. He forgives us every time we do. The problem is that we get stuck in this demoralizing rut where we keep apologizing and keep messing up. For your own sanity and for God’s glory, let ever apology lead to a gracious, thankful reminder of who God is.

 

Amanda truly is an amazing, God-loving person.  She challenges me to grow closer to God, and teaches me new things about Him all the time (whether she knows it or not).  I am greatful that God has placed her in my life for the last year, and I am looking forward to what God has in store for me through her, and for us down the road.